On invasiveness and boundaries

Rose quartz.JPG

This year has been the year of self-work and self-growth. Being in school was like hitting the pause button on life. In most aspects, I could put a lot of things on the back burner. I could group things as “to deal with later”. Now that school has been over for more than a year (!!), it feels like real life has finally begun. And “later” has arrived.

Many many things have come up for me. However, one thing in particular has been occupying my mind. And that is the idea of invasion. There have been times in my life where I had an overcoming sense of invasiveness. A suffocating feeling of being out of alignment with my values. But I always chalked it up to anxiety. Or stress. Or sensitivity. Or being a pushover. Really, the mind can conjure up anything to rationalize a situation. And while all those things play a part in invasiveness, there is something bigger that needs to be acknowledged.

When I speak of invasion, I'm not talking about physical invasiveness (which is a whole other issue), but I am talking about emotional and mental invasiveness. It's being backed into a corner or having a feeling or thought forced upon you even though every fiber of your being wants the opposite. It's when someone tells you that you should be doing something. It's when someone demands something of you, rather than asking. It's when a belief or an expectation is placed upon you without your consent. It's when you get the feeling that someone is assuming something about you or judging your decisions based on their reality. It’s so many things.  Whether it is you doing it to yourself, or someone else doing it to you...It is a complete disregard and disrespect of your boundaries. 

So if no one else has said this to you, I am going to say it now:

You do not have to feel a certain way because another person does. You do not have to do something that goes against your morals or values simply because it aligns with someone else's. You do not have to apologize for claiming your space and enforcing your boundary. You do not have to give excuses for doing what you want to do. You do not have to fill yourself with regret and guilt because you made a decision in your own best interests. And you do not have to be someone you aren’t just to satisfy another person's expectations. 

 That feeling you get...the one of suffocating invasion... it's not actually yours. It is coming from a pain that isn’t yours. Yes, sometimes it feels easier to let it happen and move on, but the thing is... we don't really move on. Every time you let your boundary get crossed, it gets weaker and weaker until you are left completely open and raw (and not in a good way). Give yourself the respect you deserve and claim your space and your boundary. People will always have something to say about it. But your ears will not hear it. Your heart will not hold it. Your shoulders will not carry it. Because you are your strength. And your grace speaks volumes.

Even though there is no changing how people receive your intentions, there are a few things you can do to contribute to change in the world.

It's simple really:

Don't judge another.

Don't shame another.

Don't impose on another. 

Live your life in grace, and those that see you...all of you... they will be stronger too.

A bit on rose quartz:

I used rose quartz as the photo for this post, mostly because it was what I was drawn to at the time. Rose quartz is all about love. Love for self and love for others. I think part of self-love is boundary setting. Learning what is important to you and where your line is. And then standing up for yourself when it gets crossed. And no matter the consequences, you love yourself first. Rose quartz also teaches us that no matter what fear you have or anger you hold towards another person, the best thing you can do is send out love. Because love is truly healing.